The Scarred Trilogy: Mind
by Deo Cairde
Summary: After years of Rape and Abuse by his master Cross Marian, Allen Walker picked up the habit of Cutting. Now that he is free and living at the Black Order, who will be there to save him before he becomes the enemy that ends him once and for all? Can Allen be saved before he dies by his own hand? Cutting, Yaoi, Rape, Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Occ, maybe Oc. CURRENTLY UNDER REVISION!
1. A New Start

**Neko: Hello my lovely Readers! Yup! I've finally posted the first chapter! This is going to be the first book for the Scarred Trilogy. The three books are Mind, Body, & Soul. I do hope you enjoy and keep reading this. This is my first D. Gray Man fanfiction and I am going to only follow the original plot halfway. So you'll see familiar things here and there but not to often considering Allen is going to be OCC in this. Not much, but enough to change the story.**

 **Fuyu: And to those who have read our others works, we are sorry for not updating but we've had a lot of problems concerning storms and electricity. Along with the fact our laptop is being picky on when it wants to work.  
**

 **Allen: O.o ... Well, should I do the warnings?**

 **Fuyu: yes..**

 **Allen: Occ characters, Rape, Cutting, Suicidal thoughts, Cursing, and Yaoi. Don't like Don't Read!**

 **Neko: *Sees Kanda* Kanda! Do the Disclaimer**

 **Kanda: Che! No...**

 **Neko: or I'll Castrate you~**

 **Kanda: Tamashi Shimai does not own the Yullen cover Photo but has permission to use it...also she does NOT own DGM nor the characters! Only her sick, twisted, perverted mind!**

 **Neko: Thank you~ Okay.. Enjoy!**

* * *

~Prologue~

It was dark. My mind was a landscape of nothing, but it gave me comfort against the harsh world. I hated my life. Ever since my foster father Mana died, I've lived in hell.

I had been crying for days when a guy with hair that was messy, long & was fire red came up to me. He was on a black coat with gold lining and a weird looking flower on it's chest. He didn't smile, he only frowned at my state of being.

Wouldn't you if you saw a kid in torn up clothes, messy white hair & silver eyes crying at a tombstone? I don't know, but the next moments of my life were the ones I wish everyday to take back.

The strange man bent to his knees and turned my small body to him. He got a good look at my scar and sighed before the questioning started.

"Hey kid, what's your name and, why do you have that scar?" He asked. I couldn't tell if his tone of voice was real worry or not, but I need somebody to talk to. I showed him my deformed arm and tried not to cry.

"I have had this since I was born." I start of, my voice cracking just the slightest. "My parents threw me away at just a year old so I grew up on the streets. I was hated by all and called a demon before Mana showed up." I state pointing at the gravestone.

"He took me in and became my father, since I was five he has cared for me. Last week we were preparing for my birthday/ Christmas when he got ran over by a carriage. 3 days after his funeral a giant man offered me to bring him back to life. I took it and.. and.." I could feel my eyes watering up. I think this was the worst part of my story I was telling. If you asked my life story now, you wouldn't begin to think what I could tell you.

"Mana cursed me. Told me I turned him into something called a Akuma. My arm activated as he chanted 'I Hate You Allen!' over and over. I killed him! I kill Mana!" I broke into hysterics and the man just watched.

Once I was calm he told me what actually happened. Apparently the man was a general for a industry that fights Akuma. The Black Order. The Thing my arm was made out of was call 'Innocence' and was used by people in the Order to kill Akuma. Akuma were demons that took the body of somebody full of mourning and sadness for the dead. They were made by the fat man who was known as 'The Earl'. He was the boss, ruler, main man of a group of people who called themselves the Noah.

I hated them. I hated there name, what they did to people, and what they did to me. It wasn't fair. Hadn't we all lost enough without suffering again? Who did they think they were?

The man then told me that I could join him in his travels as he trained me to become what's called a Exorcist. They are the ones who do the real fighting. I accepted, hopping for a new life, hoping to someday destroy the Noah.

His name was Cross Marian. A name that at age 15, I've learned to hate...

* * *

I gasp awake from the dream I had been having. It was the same one that always played. My life before this Hell-Hole. Above me was a pissed and Naked Cross, or as he likes me to call him, Master.

All he said was "Spread." and I knew that the horror from last night wasn't finished. I should've guessed. He passed out from being drunk before he could cum in me.

'Disgusting Bastard. I can't wait to leave this place.' I thought as I refused to open up my legs for him. That was a bad move to make. Cross got more pissed and smacked and punched me until I bled. Then he forced my legs open and entered me without a hurt. I've had 4-5 years of him rapping me over and over yet I could never get used to him.

"Keep on going Allen, maybe the neighbors will believe you like this." Cross said before somehow shoving his 5.3 inch monstrosity into me. Not only did he not prep me, but he pounded mercilessly into me, making me howl in agony.

shoving farther in and hitting 'that' spot. It was the one spot that made me saw heaven, and the one spot that encouraged him to keep at it. My mewls and cries from the forced pleasure made him cum inside me quicker than usual.

I was ready for him to stop but he kept pounding me, slapping me, bending me so he could get further in. Soon, just to embarrass me further, he grabbed my member and began pumping it. He didn't want to cum again without me.

'How sweet.' I thought. I just laid there, excepting the fact I could do nothing. I wish Mana was here. I wish we could celebrate my 16th birthday once it came, while exchanging gifts and drinking eggnog. I didn't want this.

I hatted Cross. He never gave me freedom, and barely taught me how to use my Innocence. I had to teach myself. That was a pain.

I am startled out of my daze about my times with Mana by a familiar feeling. I just came into the bastards hand. I let him win again.

I could feel my face heat up with agony, embarrassment, and the forced pleasure. My chest was heaving from the strain of the rape, and Cross breathing next to me from being the rapist. I was about to get up and wash when I heard his gruff voice call to me from behind.

"Once you're done, pack your stuff and leave. I sent a letter to the Order saying you will arrive soon." I couldn't believe it. My heart was leaping for joy at his statement. I was free! I kept my voice clear of emotions and my voice soft.

"Yes master." I stated. He smirked and I would have enjoyed this if he had not said his last statement. The one that haunted me for a long time.

"Oh, and Idiot apprentice, if you rattle on our 'time together' I will know. I will be making visits to the Order just for you. You better be good." I nodded, my heart deflating in me like a lifeless balloon.

Climbing into the shower, I turned on the hot water and let myself slip a few tears. I never understood why the God I served let me live in hell, but I was sick of it.

After a minute I looked fr the one source of comfort I had. My razor. I pulled the sharp tool across my skin and watched as my self inflicted cut pour my favorite crimson color. I smiled like a madman as I wrapped the newly created wound and climbed out of my safe haven.

I did as he told me, and by sundown, I was on my way to The Black Order

* * *

'What the hell.'

That's all I could think as I stared at the large tower before me. It was now my 5th day of freedom and I was finally here The place I've fought to be since that fateful day. I would have been here sooner but I ended up being a suspect for a murder in a town full of Akuma.

There I met a beautiful cop and helped her find the real reason for the mess. Seems the Earl has not let up on making his 'creations'. The poor lady lost some friend, her brother, and her boss. I hope she ends out okay. Nobody needs to suffer. Well, one person does. His name (if you haven't guessed) is Cross Marian.

As I looked at the dark building, I noticed a hazy cloud of what looked to be birds. Timcanpy, my golem, started jumping around like crazy.

"Tim," I started with the monotone in my voice, "I need to find a way up before we can enter. And anyways, do you think I could fit in? Is the 'act' I made good enough?" I quizzed him. The golem nodded to my question before pointing out that I could climb.

It took me a minute to understand what he was saying when he pointed at the wall and then up, but I got the message clear when I did understand. I started to climb and as soon as i got halfway up, the fuzz cloud speed to me and started to surround me. They turned out to be black golems. They knocked into me and made it hard to climb. I had already been climbing for an hour, and by this rate I would fall to my death.

I noticed their eyes looked like camera lenses. That got me to thinking and I then suspected I was being watched. better finish soon.

Ignoring the pest as much as I could, I climbed my way up for another hour and a half before collapsing on the ground. There my chest heaved and wheezed trying to catch a good amount of air. I really needed to find out if they had a elevator, and where the hell it was.

Soon I stood up and slowly walked my way down the dirt road leading to the gate. I was only a few step to my new life when the face in the middle of the gate opened up and boomed in a terrifying voice.

"WHO DARES TRESPASS?!" It called. I stared in bewilderment before composing myself and giving off a polite introduction, bound to be the best manners this place has seen.

"Hello, My name is Allen Walker. It's a pleasure to finally be here. My Master, Marian Cross, a head General sent me here. You see, I have Innocence and I am here to work for the Order." I told them. I didn't want on the bad side.

"TIME TO SEE IF YOU ARE A AKUMA!" The thing yelled before a bright light started to scan me. After a minute or two the thing began to wail in the most horrid pitch ever. It began to yell and soon, things got confusing.

"AKUMA! AKUMA! IT HAS COME TO SUCK OUR SOULS! A CURSED PENTACLE MARKS HIM!" I finally understood him just in time for the gates to open and a man with a sword to come out.

The man had tanned skin and midnight blue hair. His eyes were sharp cobalt beauties and made me fall in love. I knew the second that he drew his sword I should run, but I was rooted to the spot. It wasn't until he was barely a foot from me did I do something.

I activated my arm to block him from slicing me and two and shoved him away. My prince charming just tried, no, is still trying to kill me.

Now, you must be thinking I am nuts. How could I still fall in love and be bisexual (no, no gay) after what I've been through. The answer is simple. I got used to being the puppet, but knew I could still fall in love. For the bisexual part... I guess being rapped by a man so many times made me used to only males being the one I was comfortable falling in love with.

Though I only loved once. The Earl took my love after I had ran away and turned him into a Akuma. Cross came in and found me passed out from the battle and 'punished' me after I awoke.

The man kept fighting me, wanting a way to kill me. What did I ever do to him? I plainly was not a Akuma with the fact I had Innocence. I never met him. Was it my curse? Yes, it had to be.

I guess true love at first sight was not my forte.

Right as he pinned me down and was about to end my life ,a girl appeared and hit him with a clipboard. Yea, the big bad swordsman got defeated by a girl with a clipboard.

"Kanda! Why did you just barge out and try killing him! We found the letter he spoke about! Also he has Innocence! What the Hell?" The girl asked.

'If looks could kill' Was the first thought that ran through my mind as Kanda turned to the new arrival with a look of irritation and hate.

"The Fuck? This Moyashi has Innocence" Kanda asked while looking at my activated arm. If this guy was to dense to notice my arm while fighting me, then how did these people survive him?

I watched him look at my arm then scoff before walking away into the gates of the Black Order. I raise My brow before changing my view to the girl. She had a slight Asian look to her and her skin was a pale tan. Her green-black hair was put up into pigtails and slightly curve. Her olive eyes seemed warm and welcoming, but if you looked close enough, you can tell she's suffered at least once.

"Hello," I say with a slight bow. "My name is Allen Walker. Who are you?" I question politely, hoping my voice sounded curios and my eyes weren't looking dead.

"I am Lenalee Lee, sister of Komui Lee. He's the chief of this HQ," She answered with a smile. Her smile turned kinda sheepish as she started to apologies."Sorry about Kanda. He hasn't been in the best of moods since his last mission. Oh, and I guess I should apologies for my brother. He lost your letter then forgot all about it..." Trailing off from her sentence she started to walk through the gates.

I finally go a good look of the Order. It was a tall and ominous tower with black golems flying everywhere. There had to be at least fifty or more stories to the place and that was what I could tell from craning my neck to look upwards. The yard seemed well kept, and would probably look beautiful if it wasn't for the fact it was night and the moon cast an eerie glow on the place.

The entire area was surrounded by a forest, making it seemed more closed off than normal, and I felt my skin crawl. I was excited and ready to start my new life of freedom that was away from Cross. I wanted to puke each time I heard the name and then punch the person who said it. That's how bad I hated his name, his person, his existence.

Lenalee stopped in front of the doors to the tower and turned to me with a giant smile, as today was her birthday and she just got what she wanted.

"Allen Walker, Welcome to the Black Order!"

* * *

 **Neko: Did I do good? I tried really hard to make the introduction work. This is the Prologue so The Second Chapter will start a few months after Allen joins the Black Order.**

 **Allen: ...**

 **Fuyu: I think you broke him**

 **Neko: *shakes Allen* Allen-kun? Allen? Hello?**

 **Fuyu: Please Follow and Favorite the story and Airashi Neko! Until the next chapter!**


	2. The Assinment

**Neko: And I'm Back! Sorry it took so long. My summer plan failed! Now school is just around the corner! Gomen! Gomen! Anyways. Her is the not-so-waited-for second chapter of The Scared Trilogy: Mind! Also... with our other stories... Those should be being updated soon so hold on! WE really do try but I am expecting to move and recently, Koinu moved away *cries* so she cannot help me with my stories though she should slowly be working on hers!**

 **Allen: Tamashi Shimai does not own man, the characters, or any part used from the main story plot. Her own plot used here is what she owns! No Haters!**

 **Kanda: Che... *walks away before Neko says anything***

 **Neko: Wimp... Lavi! Do the warnings!**

 **Lavi: Yes! Suicidal thoughts, rape, Mention of rape, cussing, cutting, depressed-Allen, Mpreg and Yaoi. Don't like? Don't read!**

 _ **That really awkward moment  
when your telling your other about D. Gray-Man  
And instead of hearing 'Kanda'...  
She hears 'Condom'  
Yea... that was a totally awkward Conversation.**_

* * *

 _ **~ Chapter 1~**_

"Allen-Chaaaan~!" Looking behind me, I only get a glimpse of red hair before a hyperactive rabbit tackles to me to the ground. Shoving him off of me, I stand up and try dusting myself off.

looking over to the redhead, I sigh before helping him up. His name is Lavi Bookman, at least that's one of like 41 allies. I had met him after a mission to check out this rewinding town. Apparently Miranda Lotto had innocence in a clock that resided in her apartment. It kept rewinding time so she could try to find a job over and over again. This meant that she was the only on in the town to relies the town kept rewinding.

After everything, including a battle with the Noah of Dreams, Me and Lenalee came to in a hotel being taken care of by the older Bookman. While Lenalee was healing, and my eye was recovering, Lavi and I were attacked my akuma. That was when Lavi taught me not to fully depend on my eye to detect akuma. After that we became friends and got send on a mission to look at a town complaining about a vampire. This 'vampire' just proved to be Alastair Kory III. Kory's innocent is razor sharp teeth that suck the blood out of akumas.

Getting back to the present, I try to focus on what Lavi is rambling about. I look around noticing he pulled me to the training room and we were currently in from of the room Kanda is always using.

"... and hen the Old Panda kicked me! I ended up flying across the room and into an akuma. Can you believe how unlucky that was?" He looks at me expectantly and I relies he must be wanting and answer. Chuckling nervously I just nod, not sure what to say. When it came down to it, Lenalee was about the only one who could keep up with the redhead.

I suddenly start feeling uncomfortable as a killer intent falls upon both me and Lavi. Looking behind me, I notice Kanda glaring at us. Shutters shoot down my spine as he comes closer to us. Drawing his mugen, Kanda attacks the ever-so-suicidal rabbit. I watch amused as Lavi keeps taunting Kanda with his first name. Yuu Kanda was his full name, but nobody except Lavi got away alive.

"Lavi, you might want to stop before Kan-" I don't get to finish my sentence before Kanda gets a hit in and nicks Lavi's shoulder. I clench my ears as the moron screams and runs down the hall to who knows where.

Sighing I walk back in the direction I guess to be my room. The good thing about the Order was it was round. The bad thing was, even if that helps others not to get lost, I still manage to. Going up the stairs I head up to floors above the training room. I look around and relies I forgot if I should head left of right to go to my room. I go with my instincts and turn right, only to get more lost.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this was going to happen. This was the seventeenth time this week its happened, and I have had yet to get it right. Note to self... TURN LEFT!

"Allen?" Turning around, I sigh in relief as I stop to let Lenalee catch up to me. "Allen, why are you headed to the entertainment room? I thought brother sent a finder to find you at your room."

Laughing nervously I rub the back of my head. I would have thought Lenalee would figure it our, being my closest friend since I joined the order almost a year ago. I have told her about me father Mana, turning him into a akuma, meeting Cross, some of my travels and comming to the Order. Lenalee also found out when talking about a yoai fanfiction she read that I was actually Bisexual. This lead up to who I 'like' and how to make him fall in love with me.

Who would of know the sweet and loving Lenalee had a darker side to her? The girls is absolutely creepy once you have your started about same-sex relationships.

"Hahaha, hey Lenalee. I was actually trying to head to my room. Your brother needs me? Well, um, could you help me find his office?" I ask, thoroughly embarrassed.

Lenalee giggles before agreeing to lead the way. The trip was short and silent, but I liked the quiet. When we arrive Lenalee excuses herself. I walk into the room and automatically growl. In front of me was the egotistical jerk in all of his hot glory. I move across the room and sit in a chair next the the couch. Kanda returns my glare as I enter and I feel shivers go up my spine. Lenalee was wrong when she said he likes me.

Who would love somebody who has been used dry and cursed?

Looking and Komui, I tilt my head in questioning. "Komui, why do you need both me and Kanda. Don't tell me we have to..." I trail off. The last mission I was on with the jerk ended up with 2 finders dead. Shuttering at the thought I wait for the mad scientist.

"Ahh Allen. Yes, you two will be going on a mission together! You are to head to Chisinau, Moldova. WE got a heads up by a finder search party that Innocence was spotted there. You depart tomorrow. No if, and nor any buts!"

Standing up, I leave the office, slamming the door behind me. On my way out I grab the map Komui finally made for me of the Black Order. I find myself twisting through the Order and head to my room. I ignore my stomach screaming for food as I plot on my bed, face first. Grabbing my pillow I scream in frustration.

I knew I liked Kanda, but if Lenalee was right, why was he trying his hardest to hate me? Every time me and Kanda are together things just fall apart and I say the opposite of what I want to. I just know he hates me. If only life was like an anime. It would be so simple.

I keep screaming even though my throat is raw. My screams turn into painful sobs as the minutes pass, and in an hour, I am on the floor whimpering. I pull myself of the flat and cold ground and grag myself to my bathroom. I only look at my self in the mirror for a second. I should probably get a new one since I have broken this one and lost some of the shards in my hand. I think one flew into the toilet, but I'm not sure.

Once I am inside, I lock the door after closing it and pull out my knife. I use to have a razor but when I took it with me on a mission about three months ago, it got stolen by some petty thief.

I ended up buying a knife in the town below the Order. I had been shopping with Lenalee for some lollipops, proactive, a new hoodie, and my knife. When Lenalee asked about the knife I lied.

"It's to protect myself. Even if there are akuma in this world, there are also even people who will hurt you for no reason." I had given her a valid reason, to afraid to tell her anything else. I could come up with another reason anyways, and the truth was not going to come from my mouth.

I watch the blood weal up when I drag the sharp blade through my skin. I keep mutilating myself until I am ready to pass out. Cleaning the wounds sends more waves of relies through me every second and sends me into bliss.

After a minute, I end up slipping on some blood on the floor and sigh. Deciding to clean the mess before I leave in the morning, I go over to my bed and curl up, passing out and dreaming only nightmares.

 **~Dream~**

 _"Allen.. Mnn... So good!" I cry as Cross slams into me. After months of waiting, my fear came true. Master came in during the noon and as soon as we got alone, he started to rape me._

 _I scream and beg him to stop but my screams only are heard as pleasured screams. Waves of pain wrap around my body with each trust. I feel myself nearing the edge and try to keep my whoreish sounds low. I try begging Cross to stop but he just smacks me._

 _Once Cross cums inside me I hear him grunt in satisfaction before his chest fell on me. I was still sheathing him and was about to pull off of him when the door slams open. Looking at in in shock I pot Lenalee, Lavi and Kanda staring at me in horror and betrayal._

 _"Allen... Your body... Why is Cross..." Lenalee tries to speak but all she can do Is whisper before turning and running down the hallway. Lavi looks a me one last time as he turns to leave, before turning and running after the girl. I wait for kanda to say something or run, but all he does is stare._

 _After a minute he begins to come to me. I look at him confused before he shoves cross off me and looked at my used, scarred and cursed body. I am about to say something, but before the words can even start to be formed in my mouth, I watch as Kanda unsheathes Mugen._

 _I listen to the sound of the metal sliding and then slicing through the air as he raises it. A scream enters my mouth as I understand what he was doing. Kanda was going to kill me. He truly hates me._

 _"No! Kanda! Please No!" I cry out with a lot of agony as the blade peirces my shoulder, and enters my heart. I listen as my heart beats its last loud beats... even though everything is dark, my heart seems strong... Like a door being knocked on..._

 **~Dream end~  
**

 _'Like a door being knocked on..'_

I shoot awake in my bed, hearing the pounding on my door in a rhythm. Sitting up I whine in pain before walking over to my closet. I sigh and slip on my a hoodie before rushing to my door, wondering who was so impatient. _'That was the heart beat I was hearing...'_

I crack open the door to see none other than Kanda, who was glaring at me. I squeak and then begin to remember last night look behind me to the time.

[10:56am]

I cry out in shock before looking at Kanda apologetically. "Sorry Kanda! Let me finish dressing and I'll meet you in front of Komuis office"

I shut the door, more slam the door, in a rush. I frantically rush around my room, cleaning the now dried blood from where I left it and slipping on my Black Order uniform. I throw 2 hoodies, and 4 outfits into my trunk along with my knife, dream journal, and Ipod which had my earphones connected to it into a small backpack.

Shutting my door and locking it, I pull out my map and head over to the Cheifs office. There I found an angery Kanda trying to kill a suicidal rabbit. Slumping my shoulders in defeat, I walk over and hit them both in the back of the head. Lavi just squeaks in surprise and Kanda... Well Kanda does what he does best, and glares at me.

"I'm here so lets go." I state before walking off. I knew my attitude wasn't great, but the jerk tried to bang my door down. I know I should have woken up on time, but he could have just waited for me.

I don't pay attention to Kanda as he grows and follows me. All I do is pretend to stare off into space while really, I'm running plans in my head of all the things that could happen on our trip.

Even with the best planning, nobody can tell the future, and I couldn't even comprehend what the trip had in store for me and Kanda. If I had, I probably would have been to scared to face it.

Fate Hates My Guts... Doesn't She?

* * *

 **Neko: Done! This is the last story I need to update today! WOOT**

 **Allen: I am so happy for you! Now you can do whatever you want for like.. a week!**

 **Neko: No No no! I am NOT doing another all night at the last second! I will try to update.. but no promises! There has been a lot lately. So I am not sure When I will update...**

 **Allen: Okay.. well, to all readers: Review, Favorite and Follow the story! Also Favorite and Follow Airashi Neko!**


	3. Hurtful Trainride

**Neko: Oh wow, It's been a while since I actually did anything on this story! To all readers, I am so sorry I put this on Hiatus! Idea's keep popping up in my head, and I've also been sick recently. Not that that's much of an excuse. I do plan on updating more often, but if I actually pull off the plan is another thing.**

 **Allen: Neko… Won't you please reconsider? I really don't like this story. It's kinda depressing and… Kanda is threatening to kill me…**

 **Neko: For the last time, NO! Now… Allen, you know what's going to happen later on in the story so man up! I'm giving the disclaimer so stop whining and give the Warning!**

 **Allen: But… Oh whatever, it's to hard to argue with you. Warning: Suicidal thoughts, Mentions of rape, suicide attempts, Yaoi, lemon, Mpreg, cursing also depression and self harm...**

 **Neko: Thank you! Airashi Neko does not own DGM/ -Man nor the song Mz Hyde… Just my rampage ideas!**

 _ **That scary moment**_  
 _ **When you think you are alone**_  
 _ **and you start singing the theme song of an anime in japanese  
When suddenly at the end you hear clapping  
and find your friend and sister behind you…**_

* * *

 _ **~ Chapter 2~**_

Arriving at the train station, I start to run ahead of Kanda, trying to catch the train before it left. The last time we were running late, I ended up having to run and jump on the back of the back of the train with the finder I was traveling with.

I don't wait for Kanda as I give my ticket to the Conductor and hopping onto the train. I push my way through the small crowd and head toward the back where exorcist reside when on missions. It wasn't to hard to remember where it was since all I had to do was go to the back of the train. It was nothing like the labyrinth called the Black Order.

Heaving a sigh, I plop down on one of the chairs in compartment A5, a first class compartment with two beds and a bathroom. Finders got compartment A4, since it was a single bedded room and left them somewhere quiet to work on paperwork.

"Moyashi…" Slipping in the room while giving off a murderous aura, Kanda call out my nickname. Growling at the stupid samurai, I look anywhere but in his direction.

"It's Allen, Bakanda. A-l-l-e-n, not to hard." I reply with a stiff attitude. Kanda was a total pain on the ride over to the train, not giving me a break about my 'attitude' to him"

Growling, I hear Kanda stop over to me before I feel my shirt yanked upwards. I hover in the air as Kanda hold me in a hard grip, looking like he was ready to punch me. The alarms in my head go off as I remember I recently made cuts on my stomach that would surely show if Kanda lifted up my shirt any farther.

"K-Kanda? Let me go!" I start punching at the male, trying to fight for my freedom. When one of my punches connects with his jaw, Kanda let's go growling.

I take advantage of the opportunity and escape, running to the bathroom and locking the door. Kanda starts to bang on the door and I yell at him to go away. I listen closely for the shuffle of his feet to leave the front of the bathroom before getting up from the corner I had thrown myself into while in my panic to escape.

The bathroom was about the same as always. A small toilet, tub and sink were set near each other,a towel rack over the toilet with white towels already prepared. Next to the toilet was a roll of toilet paper. The bathroom wasn't much, but it was the place I liked to spend my time in when on a mission with Kanda. There wasn't anywhere else for me to go until we actually arrive to the site of the mission and started our search for either an Accommodator or Innocence.

Reaching into my jacket pocket, I take the small pocket knife from its confines and flip it open. I pull up the left leg on my pants to reveal a scarred ankle. Putting the blade to my flesh, I sigh in content as the numbness takes over the pain of my skin breaking under the sharp object.

One…

Two…

Three…

I mark my ankle before driving the knife up even further. There I mark my leg, watching in a haze as the blood drips slowly down, spilling across the tile floor. I duly note having to clean up my mess as my mind fogs over in the fake high I've created.

Fifteen…

Sixteen…

Seventeen…

Stopping at seventeen, I throw my head back against the wall behind the toilet I was currently sitting on. I couldn't register anything at the moment besides the sick numbness spreading rapidly.

 _'Sick little Allen.'_ My joy halts as the high becomes a strong buzz, letting my thoughts seep into my brain. _'Sick little Allen, look how far you've come…'_

I know what I do is wrong, but I never wanted to stop. If I did, the world would take me under and kill me faster that what it's already accomplishing. Even if somebody were to find out, I wouldn't stop. It would probably drive me to do it even more.

Letting my mind seep back into consciousness, I slowly stand up, wincing at the pain as it returns with full force. I turn to the sink, turning the handle to get warm water running. Grabbing a cloth and holding it under the running water, I soak the cloth before shoving it on my left leg, cleaning of the now burning cuts.

 _'What would Kanda do if he saw me?'_ I pause at that though, letting the bloody red cloth drip it's contents to the floor.

Why was I thinking about the oversize morons thoughts? He didn't care about anybody, and hatted me. The only people that could claim to know Kanda and be close to him was Lavi, Lenalee and Kanda's foster brother Marie. Not me, the guy he called curse.

I force myself to stop thinking about it, and focus on the objective in mind. Clean up the mess I've made with my blood. I remove the cloth from my wet leg, holding it under the sink to rinse it out and get the blood off, before once again holding it to my legs. I had to stop the bleeding before I passed out and so I could clean the blood already on the floor.

As soon as my legs are clean, I look through the drawers for the gauze that was always there. I had found out through a finder that the railroad owners requested there be gauze in every compartment Exorcist used. It was for bandaging for old and/or new wounds that needed to be wrapped and cared for.

I find it pretty easily in the second drawer, and next to the gauze is antibiotics. Thankful, I grab both and apply them to my wounds, making sure that the bandaging wasn't to thick or noticeable. The last time it was, Lavi had asked me and I used the akuma attack we had just gotten through as an excuse.

It take about five minutes to wrap myself and clean up the blood on the floor before I'm rinsing out the last bit of blood from the rag. Tossing the rag into a corner of the bathroom, I unlock the bathroom door and peck my head out.

 _'Kanda isn't here'_ Sighing in relief, I slip the rest of my body out into the room, shivering slightly at the obvious change in temperature.

I walk over to where I left my suitcase and open it up, fishing out my Ipod. Unlocking the screen, I go to my Pandora, and turn on my shuffle. Automatically, a grin spreads across my face as one of my favorite songs play. Nodding my head to the beat, I begin to hum lightly, raising my voice to indicate the pitch change as it reaches the chorus.

 _"Welcome to the nightmare in my head (oh god!), say hello to something scary! The monster in your bed (oh god!), just give in and you won't be sorry! Welcome to my other side, hello its Mz Hyde!"_

My grin slightly falters as I compare the lyrics to my own life. My nightmares were always there, replaying and horrifying all the same. I put up a mask and ignore it, but if you wiped up all that clown makeup, you'd see a monster. The opposite of who I pretend to be.

It's near the end of the song that I look at the time, shocked that I had been in the bathroom for over two hours. No wonder Kanda had left. It hadn't been long till lunch when we finally arrived to the train, having taken a while to get there. He was probably hungry.

Closing my eyes, I left myself slip into darkness, tired from my sleepless night. I don't dream about anything, but a small tune replaying in my mind.

When I reawaken, Kanda is reading a book in Japanese that I can't understand. My music is still playing and I focus on one thing. Kanda doesn't have on a shirt, leaving his torso bare and for the view of anybody around. Blushing, I look away, stuffing down a small squeak of embarrassment as he glances over, almost catching me staring.

"What do you want, Moyashi?" I hear Kanda ask in a gruff voice. Growling, I correct him before refusing to answer his question. I turn to the window to stare as the greenery changes slowly to a browning plain.

Kanda either didn't care that I ignored his answer, or figured I didn't have one, because a few minutes later, I glance back to see him reading the book again. I glance at the clock and nearly choke at the time.

[5:23pm]

I had been asleep for five whole hours, and hadn't eaten since last night at dinner. I slip off the bed and head to the door, looking at the samurai before leaving to go and eat. I only see Kanda again after I've finished ordering my food and I have brought it back to my table.

He walks up to me with a bowl of soba, a sneer placed on his face. Gulping back my food, I go to ask what his problem is, when he beats me to the punch. "Do you have to eat so much like a pig, Moyashi? Save some food for the rest of the people on this damn train."

He then swipes some empty plates out of the way, putting in bowl in their place. I frown and look at the piles of food, then around me. A lot of people had starred to stare at us when I had brought my food over. Now, they shared similar looks of disgust as Kanda. Shrinking in my seat, I begin to pick at my food, not as hungry as before. About halfway through my third plate, I pick up my food and throw it away, leaving to the room.

I felt sick to my stomach. I was sure I was going to throw up. I run to the back of the train, flinging open the door and rushing to the bathroom. There, I lock the door and throw myself in front of the toilet. The looks each person gave me makes me begin to hurl. Tears were rolling down my eyes and I felt humiliated.

I mean, Lavi and Lenalee had mentioned it when I arrived. After that, they had only showed their amazement at how much food I could eat before getting used to it. Everybody at the order knew I had parasitic Innocence, so I had to eat a lot.

This was the first time I actually paid attention to the others around me. Usually, I ignored Kanda's snide remarks. They hurt, yes, but that was just Kanda in general. Now looking at other people who thought I was just disgusting and a food hog, it makes me sick all over again.

Once my stomach is fully empty, I flush the toilet, staying bend over it for a while after. 'Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. Fat, food whore, disgusting, cursed, broken, used. Useless'

Tears fall into the porcelain bowl as I hold onto my sobs, fingers clutching my pants. Why hadn't nobody mentioned it before? It was plainly obvious now. I was stupid to believe my friends thought it was normal for me to eat so much. It hurt to think about it.

'Don't eat so much. Hell, don't eat at all. If you do, you'll get those same looks again.' I try to convince myself otherwise, but these thoughts overpower anything else I try to cram into my head. It makes me cry harder, knowing that it was most likely true.

People really hated me, Kanda being at the top of the list. I am cured, with white hair and a scar to prove that. I ate a lot, and it disgusted others. I was abandoned by my parents, lost my adopted father and had been rapped for five years. It was enough to drive anybody crazy. Or, at least heading there.

Standing up, I dry up my tears and leave the bathroom just as Kanda enters the room. He doesn't even notice me as I pass him, laying down once again in my bed. My head was spinning from all the throwing up, and I was feeling tired again.

Closing my eyes, I let myself slip once again into my dream, horrified as I enter a dream I was all too familiar with anymore.

 **~Dream~**

 _I was standing near a lake, everything around me in ruins. Buildings were torn and bodies littered the ground. I recognize many from the Science division and then, there were those that stood out to me like lights in the middle of a dark room._

 _"Lenalee… Lavi…" I a voice crack out. I look around, trying to find the owner of the voice, and see nobody. It was my own voice that broke through the silence._

 _Suddenly, I feel an hand on my shoulder, forcing me to turn around. I let out a scream as I see Cross standing there, blood covering his clothes from head to toe. Behind him, is Kanda, glaring at me with a gunshot wound in his shoulder._

 _Cross grins at me as I pull away from him. "This isn't real, it just feels so."_

 _He laughs and lets me run to Kanda, who now looks really tired. I try to stop the bleeding, but his blood seeps through my fingers. Kanda, with what little strength he has left, shoves me away. I fall on my but as he takes one last shuddering breath and falls to the ground, dead._

 _"You know why they are dead, right Allen?" I hear Cross qizz. Footsteps resonate behind me, getting louder until they are right behind me._

 _"N-no." I say, crying now as I twist to look at him. Instead of seeing a face, I see a hand before being struck across the face. I fly to the side, crying out in pain. Cross had just smacked me, and it hurt._

 _"W-why?" I ask, not looking at him, but at the floor I laid on. He laughs, like I should know the answer, before walking slowly up to me and kicking me in the gut. I let out a scream as pain shoots through my body._

 _"Why? WHY? Because you, you little piece of shit, told." I shake my head, not knowing what he was talking about. He hits me again, growling in anger. "Yes you did! You told everybody here what I did to you! They fired me! I lost my job and reputation because of you!"_

 _He beats me over and over again, making my call out in agony. He breaks several bones, causing me to go limp from not being able to move. After hours of the treatment, it stops. I look up to see why he stopped, to see the barrel of a gun. My eyes widen i shock before I hear the sound of a gun, and then everything turns off._

 **~Dream End~**

Opening my eyes, I bolt upwards. I half expect pain, but come to quickly realize that it was just a dream. Kanda is still sleeping soundly in the next bed, and we are on the train to our next mission together. Cross wasn't here, and everybody was alive at the Order.

Rubbing my eyes to clean off the tears on my cheeks, I slide off the bed and head over to my suitcase. I search through and grab a change of clothing, my Ipod and my knife. Standing up, I head to the bathroom and turn on the lights.

Closing the door so Kanda doesn't wake up, I lock it and strip my clothing before turning to the tub and turning on the shower. While the water gets steamy and hot, I take of my bandaging from last night and wrap it up in toilet paper. I then turn to the sower and climb in, washing myself off and holding onto the razor.

I abuse my legs, arms, chest and shoulders over and over again until I have dropped the razor and sunk to the floor. I let the water keep the high fresh as it mercilessly pounds onto every open cut on my body. I know that I am grinning like a fool, but I couldn't care, to happy to forget everything over the high it had going.

* * *

 **Neko: Done!**

 **Allen: Wow! Five page!**

 **Neko: I had to make up for all that time waiting somehow, didn't I? I am sure people didn't appreciate that much…**

 **Allen: No, I don't think so, though this story only has two reviews… Anyways… Are you sure you want to make me depressed? Aren't there enough stories like that?**

 **Neko: Nope. Sorry Allen! (Not really) Anyways! Speaking of reviews… Please Follow, Favorite and Review! Seriously need the encouragement! Also, If I get 10 reviews, I'll begin the Mpreg! Just saying!**

 **Allen: NOOOO!**

 **Neko: Ignore him! Until next time! Please check out the Polls I've set up for this and my other stories! Bye-bee!**

 **Allen: NOOOOOOooooooooooo**


	4. Innocence found, Innocence abandoned

**Neko: And, I'm back everyone! I just want to thank all who have been lovely and have reviewed The Scarred Trilogy: Mind! Also… I really want to thank everybody who has been kind and taken the poll.**

 **Allen: People have already taken the poll? Does that mean you traitors actually want me to** _ **have**_ **a** _**child?!**_ **B-but…**

 **Kanda: Che… See my pain you stupid Moyashi!**

 **Neko: Haha.. Both of you are so stubborn! Anyways… The results for the poll go as followed!**

 **-The kid should be a boy: 3 votes**

 **-The kid should be a girl: 0 votes**

 **-There should be twins, one boy & one girl: 2 votes**

 **-There should be twins, both boys: 2 vote**

 **-There should be twins, both girls: 0 votes**

 **Allen: I still can't believe people want me to give birth to a kid… and you put up** _ **twins?!**_ **You're… a monster! Whatever! I'm glad you don't own this! Everybody here me? Tamashi Shimai Doesn't own DGM and NEVER WILL!**

 **Neko: Awe… such kind words… I might have to make this mpreg quicker. Anyways… Here is the warnings my fun readers: Suicidal thoughts, Mentions of rape, suicide attempts, Yaoi, lemon, Mpreg, cursing also depression and self harm! I hope you enjoy! Also, if you have an awkward, weird, sad, funny or stupid moment... Share in your review so we can put it up!**

 _ **That sad moment when…  
you're crying because your favorite anime just ended  
And you know that  
There is only a 2% chance of there ever being a 2nd season…**_

 _ **Chapter 3**_

It didn't take long after my shower for the train to arrive at Hamju, North Korea. Kanda had regrettably started out his morning bitching about me taking up all the time to shower. To that I shot back that I hadn't realized his girly hair needed so much attention.

As you can guess that didn't do well.

Kanda ended up chasing me off off the train with the poor finder, to find it was snowing outside. Snow pours down from the grey sky onto the ground. I feel a shiver rack me even though I was wearing my coat, and sneeze when a snowflake hits my nose.

"Hurry up Moyashi!" I hear Kanda snap and I bring my eyes away from the beautiful sight of snow and focus my eyes on the bitchy samurai.

"I'm coming BaKanda! And it's Allen! A-l-l-e-n, Allen!" I snap at him, "Unlike you, I actually like the sight of snow!"

Growling, he turns and stalks off ahead of me, and with a small huff I force myself to follow. This entire time the finder has said nothing but when I look back I can see an amused look on his face. Turning my head back I pout, not liking the fact that even the finder found amusement in our bickering.

It takes about an hour before we find an Inn and as soon as possible, Kanda drags the finder out of the room, leaving me to the beginning paper-work. This almost happened every time, and I had no choice but to do it, the paper-work being mandatory to fill out at the beginning to the end of a mission.

I take part of my time watching the snow fall. Children are playing outside, making snow angles and having snowball fights. Twisting the pen in my grip I let my mind wonder. In my right ear my earphone is blasting, while the left one just hangs limply on the same side. The song 'You look Like a Girl" by Boyinaband, switches to 'Carol of the Bells' by Emmy Rossum.

" _Ding, ding, ding, dong_

 _Ding, ding, ding, dong_

 _Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells_

 _All seem to say:, , throw cares away_

 _Christmas is here bringing good cheer_

 _To young and old, meek and the bold"_

 _Ding, ding, ding, dong, that is their song_

 _With joyful ring all caroling_

 _One seems to hear words of good cheer_

 _From everywhere filling the air"_

Humming along I tap the end of the pen to the table before going back to writing. I only glance up every once in awhile when a child squeals or a particularly dark cloud passes overhead, mixing in with the lighter grey.

" _Oh, how they pound, raising the sound_

 _O'er hill and dale, telling their tale_

 _Gaily they ring while people sing_

 _Songs of good cheer, Christmas is here_

 _Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas_

 _Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas_

 _On, on they send, on without end_

 _Their joyful tone to every home_

 _Ding, ding, ding, dong_

 _Ding, ding, ding, dong_

 _Ding, ding, ding, dong:_

I don't even realize I am singing until my voice slickly crack but I'm fine with it. Kanda and the finder wouldn't be back until either they found something, became to tired to search or they are hungry.

 _Oh, how they pound, raising the sound_

 _O'er hill and dale, telling their tale_

 _Ding, dong, joy to every home_

 _Ding, ding, ding, dong_

 _Ding, ding, ding, dong_

 _Ding, ding, ding, dong_

 _Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells_

 _All seem to say, throw cares away_

 _Christmas is here bringing good cheer_

 _To young and old, meek and the bold_

One word crosses my mind, in my peaceful setting and I remember that it's almost Christmas. That means it's almost time for my birthday. Singing along with the song I put the pen down once the train trip and the arrival to the two and Inn were covered. All that was left was if there was any attacks of Akuma and the revival of Innocence or Accommodator.

I don't realize that I've gotten an audience until the bathroom door slams closed, making me jump and whirl around to face a guilty looking finder who was standing at the door, which was still open by the way.

"O-oh… I'm so sorry Mr. Walker!" He says bowing to me. Trying to calm my heart from the sudden scare, I turn fully to him. "We had just arrived after running into Akuma when we heard you singing. I didn't even know you sang!"

"I don't" I say, sounding more harsh than I meant to. Biting the inside of my lip, I apologize and try to explain myself. "Sorry, I meant to say I don't in front of people. The only two people who have ever heard me sing is Mana and… Cross."

The finder nods in understanding before leaving the room the same time Kanda enters it once again. I grab the paperwork and hand it to him, knowing he would need it since they ran into Akuma. He glares at me for only a second before snatching the papers.

Turning my back I reach into my pocket to grab my deck of cards that had been given to me by Tyki when me and Kory ran into him on our way back to the order. I didn't expect the gruff voice behind me though, as Kanda speaks up. "Like crap you don't sing."

I freeze for a second before whipping my head around and glare at him. "What the hell do you mean?"

We have a glaring match before Kanda states something I had almost forgotten. "In case you didn't realize, Lavi told me all about you singing for Lenalee at her birthday party. Why the fuck you lied, I don't care. It gives me another reason to hate you, because I despise liars."

Clenching teeth I turn back away from Kanda, not letting him see how much that really hurt me. For the rest of the night we stay silent and I choose not to eat dinner, lying that I was feeling sick. That lie was bought and I was left alone. The next morning we started looking for the Innocence, splitting up.

We have no luck on finding the Innocence though, but don't give up. Akuma kept attacking us, making us have to lay low for a while. Kanda started getting annoyed around the second week we we're stuck here. I was paying attention to the calendar and start getting worried we won't make it back to the Order for Christmas. It was the 17th, meaning we had better hurry.

Looking through the streets I dunk out of the way when I hear shots being fired. Twisting my body around I see Kanda charge for the Akuma attacking and watch the finder try running from another nearby. Charging, I try to grab the finder as my eye widen in horror, watching as the Akuma fires bullets straight into the body. I get there only a second later, showing my innocence into the deformed being.

I try not to cry as the finder takes one last breath at the same time Kanda executes the last two Akuma. I take my knife out and cut off the button from his jacket, holding onto it and turning to Kanda. He stares at me before sneering.

"Too damn fat and slow to take out an Akuma before another life is wasted, stupid fucking Moyashi." I feel tears prick at my eyes and my heart racee as my mouth stretched open and I scream at him.

"SHUT UP KANDA!" He looks livid but I don't care, so sick and tired of being reminded on how worthless I already know I am. "You don't **think** that I _don't know_ that I MESSED UP? Oh great Kanda! Prancing around with his **mighty sword** , thinking he's better than every other being on this earth! Just LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

I follow up my yelling my running as fast as my feet would carry me. I kept running until I felt ready to pass out, but kept going until I got to the Inn. Once I arrive I lock myself in the bathroom and sit in front of the door.

Tears flow down my face in a steady stream and I know I am sobbing loudly, even as the door of the room slams open and shut and Kanda calls my name. He sounded pissed off but I couldn't care as I cried, only quieting when he kicks the door, telling me to shut up. My knife was in one hand, the finders button in another. Standing up I take off my jacket, to hot to be sitting in it and my shirt falls to the floor with it as I begin to attack my body.

Blood splashes to the floor in collected glomps, and my sobbing wracks my body so hard that it hurts. I keep attacking until I fall to the floor, dizzy from blood loss. I barely hear Kanda knocking on the door, to busy trying to punish myself for letting the finder die and then yelling at Kanda. I don't know how long it is until he leaves, or how much time has passed until the knife slips from my hands.

' _Worthless! How could you let him die! You damn whore!'_ I let my body lay lifelessly on the ground, tears flowing down my face. I didn't want to hear it, but I couldn't run away from the voices in my head. ' _You're just a coward! Sheep trying to hide in wolf's clothing! Don't you dare stand up to Kanda again you stupid slut!'_

Darkness pricks slowly into my vision and I panic for a second, but before I can will myself into doing anything, I pass out. The dark abyss takes me into it and holds me down, trapped. Though I hated it, I was this or my nightmares. I would have this over nightmares anytime.

Time passes quickly and I am waking up to Kanda pounding on the door for me to wake up. Dazed I look around to see blood surrounding me. Panicking a squeal for a slight second, quieting Kanda, before I calm down once again.

"I'll be out after a shower BaKanda!" I call. I move slowly around, picking up my shirt from atop the jacket and placing it on the toilet, away from any blood. My jacket wasn't so lucky along with the pants I was wearing, covered in blood.

Just like the night on the train, I look out the door to find Kanda gone and grab my stuff before dashing to the bathroom without hesitation. I turn on the shower and let it heat up as I skillfully clean up every last drop of blood. Once the floor was clean I throw my pants and jacket to the side before climbing in and letting out a sigh of content as water beats my wounds, cleansing them.

Quickly taking a shower I leave the water running as I climb out and gauze up my arms and chest, throwing my soiled cloths under the water to wash the blood off. I wear a green long-sleeve shirt that fits me loosely and a pair of jeans. I make sure nothing tells a tale of what happened last night.

A song runs through my head and I only wish me and Kanda would get together and not care about what the world says. Unfortunately I'll never have that capability. ' _Our lives are stories, waiting to be told. In search of silver linings, we discovered gold and judgement taught us that our hearts were wrong. But they're the ones that we'll look down upon.'_

I slip out of the bathroom to find Kanda just about the knock on the door, glaring daggers. He jerks his hand down and looks at me. I must still be tired because I swear I see worry flicker in his eyes before a look of hate settles back. Growling he pushes past me and into the bathroom, the faint sound of a click informing me that it was locked.

I look around the room to find a jar of innocence and two tickets back to Japan setting on the desk, the report filled in. Looking at it, I read that Kanda left this morning before I woke up and found a potter sealing the innocence. Kanda had to 'persuade him' to give up the item without wasting money. That meant Mugen most likely had been used to scare the poor fool.

Grateful that the Innocence was finally found, I sit on the bed. I was getting a headache and my stomach wouldn't leave me alone. Getting tired of it's useless noise I take out a granola bar I had stashed somewhere from visiting a store and munch on it. It by no means stopped me from being hungry but my stomach stopped growling.

Kanda comes out and packs his stuff before throwing my ticket at me and heading out the door. I get up and join him, wanting to go home. We actually make it on time to the train station and have time to sit in our seats before the train leave and he head back to the Black Order.

 **Neko: Hey everybody! I am done! Five pages counting my author's notes! I know It took so long I and promise that I'll TRY posting for Christmas… But most likely on Christmas Eve if I can.**

 **Allen: Why the heck have you been gone so long?**

 **Kanda: Che, damn woman probably in some mental instit-**

 **Neko: *slaps Kanda behind the head* SHHHH! No.. Actually I've been working on some things. (1) I've changed my facebook, youtube & Twitter name because me and Fuyu (or as you'll see her on those accounts as Tosho) will be sharing those and asap we will be making videos and posting together. If you want to find us then you can look up Tamashi Shimai. (or Shamai.. lol can't believe I forgot)  
Allen: What about the second thing?**

 **Neko: I was getting to that! (2) I've been dealing with a problem of mine over LBGT and Pansexuals. I cried so fucking hard because this one kid tried coming out to his family and they kicked him out calling him slanders and then beating him. If you haven't watched it or have his name is Dave or something like that.**

 **Allen: *pats Nekos shoulders* There there. In the video it said he lived with a friend and they are taking care of him. *sigh***

 **Neko: Yea… Anyways. That's what's been holding me as well as anything I may have mentioned on the top of this chapter! Speaking of which.. I hope you enjoyed! Please vote on the poll, Favorite, Follow and Review! Bi-bee! Oh and that last song was Sinners by Lauren Aquilina**


	5. IMPORTIANT AN! MUST READ!

**~THIS IS A AUTHORS NOTE!~**

 **Neko: Hey guys. This is an Author Note going on all of our current stories being worked on that are on Hiatus and not on Hiatus of this current moment.**

 **Okami: There is something we need to tell you but it's really hard to say…**

 **Fuyu: Right now, all members of Tamashi Shimai are going through a hard time. We won't be able to write in our stories for a while. This could last from a few weeks to a few months. The time is unpredictable.**

 **Koinu: A-as of December 27th Neko and Okami's b-brother, aka my cousin, got into a… a a-accident… *Koinu starts crying***

 **Neko: As of now he is in critical condition. The jackass who hit him ran so we can't even have that f*cking justis! *Neko bites her lip and Fuyu pats her shoulder, Fuyu's eyes tearing up* Our brother might not make it, though things are looking up because he came out of his coma yesterday on the 28th around 7am-10am. Around that time was blurry.**

 **Koinu: I wouldn't know.. I had to babysit my sisters and brother… *looks down sadly***

 **Fuyu: I couldn't tell, remember… We live in different cities? At least you guys live in the same one…**

 ***Neko hugs Fuyu before the other two join in. After a brief hug we let go.***

 **Okami: This is just to let you know what's going on. We don't know what's going to happen with our brother so we need to be there with him as much as possible.**

 **Koinu: This message isn't for pity for those who like to hate on A.N's like this… This is so we don't leave you in the dark and suddenly disappear off the face of the earth.**

 **Neko: If you go to the top of our profile page, right under our pen-names we will be updating about our situation under** _ **Babakuma**_ **so if you want to check that out you can. That is only to let you know if our brother/ cousin is doing fine and to let you know we are still living as well.**

 **Fuyu: like we said we aren't looking for haters right now because it's already hard enough on us as it is. We hope you guys can understand why we are leaving our stories right now.. right? It's not like we won't get back on them.. and we might update them if we feel up to writing a chapter.**

 **Neko: Thank you for reading this and we will return! Even if it takes a few months, please stay strong and wait for us to get back on our feet. Have a happy New-Years everybody!**

 **Okami: Happy New-Year's weirdo's!**

 **Koinu: Do Enjoy you'r New Year's everybody!**

 **Fuyu: Don't flip your shit and have fun on New Years. Don't forget to set your revolutions and rememebr that Daylight's saving is comming for an end for some of you guys! Remeber to set your clocks back to norm-**

 **Neko: Thats it for this guys! Bi-bee and wait for us!**

 **Okami: *Okami tackles Neko* DON'T STEAL MY LINE! Bye-Bee!**

 **Koinu: *Koinu giggles at Neko and Okami's antics* Don't forget about us! Love you guys! Stay faithful! Good-bye!**

 **Fuyu: Ciao Ciao readers.**


End file.
